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"Connect & Redirect": Whole-Brain Strategy 1 of 12

Source: The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson, pg. 15-27

As you probably know, our brains are divided into two hemispheres that function very differently.  Your left-brain loves order…it is logical, literal, linguistic, and linear.  Your right-brain cares about the meaning and feeling of an experience and specializes in emotions.  So while your left-brain loves words and putting things in a sequence, your right-brain is focused on facial expression, eye contact, tone of voice, posture, and gestures.  To put it another way the left-brain cares about the letter of the law, while the right brain is all about the spirit of the law.

For a child’s first three years of life they are right-brain dominate.  Once they start asking “Why?” you know that the logical side is starting to kick in!  Though keep in mind that our brains are not fully developed until we are in our mid-20s!

Now, all parents experience times when their children say things and get upset about issues that don’t seem to make any sense (operating out of their right-brain).  When this happens it can be very frustrating, especially when you expect your child to be old enough to act rationally.  However, out of the blue he/she becomes upset about something ridiculous, and no amount of reasoning (operating out of your left-brain) on your part will help.  In fact, if you use a left-brain, logical response to your child’s wave of right-brain emotion you will create a lose-lose situation. 

When this occurs use the “Connect and Redirect” technique.  Use your right-brain to connect with the child’s right-brain by pulling your child close, rubbing his/her back, and with a nurturing tone of voice identifying with the emotion the child is experiencing.  Ask supportive questions that prompt the child to explain his/her feelings and as you hold the child through this and listen you will feel the child’s body relax.  This is connecting and this helps the child bring his/her brain into balance.  With the child now feeling heard and cared for you can address the specific issues he/she brought up, as the child will now be more receptive to problem solving…this is redirecting.  

By understanding how your child’s brain works, you can create cooperation much quicker and with less drama!  Just remember that by first connecting right-brain to right-brain you will be able to more easily connect left to left and deal with the issue in a rational manner.

* When a child is upset, logic often won’t work until we have responded to the right brain’s emotional needs. 

The Whole-Brain Child: How To Nurture A Child's Developing Mind (adults feel free to use the strategies too!!)

When my public library branch did not have the book I intended to check out last week I began looking at book covers…something that makes me relatively uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as leaving the library empty-handed.  I decided on “The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind”.  Written by neuropsychiatrist and bestselling author, Daniel J. Siegel, along with parenting expert, Tina Payne Bryson, it clearly explains 12 strategies to help you “cultivate healthy emotional and intellectual development in children, so that they may lead balanced, meaningful, and connected lives”.  I am half way through the book and 100% convinced that the strategies they teach, all of which are based on the science of how a child’s brain is wired and how it matures, can ensure that parents, teachers, and other adults are not only surviving everyday struggles with children, but helping the family unit, class, & larger community thrive!

What I love most about this these strategies is that they do not require adults to designate specific time each day or each week to help children thrive.  Instead, you use ALL of the interactions you have with children (from the most angry to the most adorable) to help them become caring, compassionate, responsible, hard working people, who feel great about themselves.  It’s all about using everyday moments to help children reach their true potential.

As I continue the 6-part series on the benefits of massage for different age groups, I will also begin a 12-part series summarizing the 12 strategies outlined in “The Whole-Brain Child".  Throughout this series you will learn simple techniques to integrate a child's left & right brain, upstairs & downstairs brain, memory, many parts of the self, and self with others.  Read along, apply the strategies, and turn any “outburst, argument, or fear into a chance to integrate your child’s brain and foster vital growth.” 

10 Empowering Things To Say To A Child

written by The Joyful Mother ~ Sigrid Kjeldsen

Are you conscious of how you speak to your child and the content of that communication? Most of us are not. We rush about our day, getting sucked into the doings of life. Sound familiar? There is nothing wrong with a busy life full of fun and rewarding activities! But what tends to happen is that from this place we simply react to the things, people and circumstances around us. 

As we get more conscious of our thoughts and feelings, our actions reflect this and we are able to steer and control our inner world to make our outer world feel great!

What if you could have 10 powerful statements that could help bring presence, love and empathy into your relationship with your child? I see these statements and questions below as a simple vitamin injection in the life of you and your child!

  

1. I believe in you

This is one of the most powerful things you can say to a child. It tells them you SEE them. 

2. What do you think you should do?

This was one of the things my father used to say to me often. It empowered me to find solutions for myself.

3. I trust you

This is a powerful one for instilling a sense of responsibility and independence in your child

4. If you believe you can do something, you can!

If you teach a child to use his mind to create his reality at an early age, your child will grown in confidence and begin to develop a true sense of empowerment.

5. What do you think?

This one throws the decision making into the family arena - deciding as a group on something gives everyone ownership to the final decision. It also makes them feel important.

6. What do you need right now?

I use this one a lot to cut through emotional turmoil and get to the root of a problem. Sometimes they don't know what they need, but the more you ask this question the more they will!

7. Just feel it, its ok...

A lot of the time, as parents, we want to support our kids by making the bad feelings go away. I try to help my children really feel an emotion. As children learn to do this they become more familiar with their emotional ranges and it allows them to see that emotions come and go - that they are in charge of how they feel. 

8.  What can you do to help?

This is a question that simply inspires kids to think about helping others in need. Kids sometimes may need help thinking past their own needs and desires, this one gets them thinking outside of that box.

9. What are 3 words that best describes you?

This questions helps your child begin to cultivate self insight and also lets them know you are curious about who they are!

10. I love you...

Ok, you knew this one was coming! Most of us do this, but how often do you say these three simple words and really mean it? Also, sometimes saying it less often can make these words really feel meaningful when they are said!

For each of these statements or questions, the key to them being empowering is how much HEART and PRESENCE you put into them - how you show up WITHOUT words. 

Helping Children Grow Into Smart READERS!

Storytime Yoga is an opportunity for your child to acquire listening, oral and literary skills, in addition to body-awareness and character education in a fun way that stimulates self-reflection & awareness, while they bring their bodies into harmony with the environment.  The result is mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy children who are peaceful and literate!! 

Massage Series Part 3 of 6: Benefits of Massage for Teenagers

Adolesence is one of the most turbulent stages of our lives. During this dynamic period, teenagers are often self-conscious and shy of their bodies as they transition from being a child to an adult, requiring education and feedback to build self-esteem.  While teens may be reluctant to get or give a massage, there are plenty of reasons why this age group should be encouraged to give it a try.

Massage during the teen years helps a young adult understand and accept healthy nurturing touch, manage stress, reduce the impact of emotional/hormonal transitions, relieve muscle tension, improve immune function, experience heightened concentration, and improve sleep and study patterns.  Actually, massage at any age results in many of those same benefits…but for teens there is an added payback!

TEENAGE TRANSITIONS

The teenage body is in the midst of transformation -- exponential growth and development in a rapid period of time.  On the physical side, teens may be at increased risk for aches, pains, and injury.  Many teens strain their bodies with competitive sports, get erratic sleep, and consume a less-than-optimal diet.  Massage can help muscles recover from overuse, and help balance the body and maintain that stability.  This bodywork has also been proven to help mediate eating disorders, a growing concern among teens.  

IMPROVED BODY IMAGE

Bombarded by messages from the media, peers and even their parents about their bodies, adolescents can be confused about healthy body images. Home massage takes the focus away from how they look and teaches them the importance of being aware of how their body feels.  Even as a teen’s body changes in awkward ways massage helps teens stay grounded and connected to their bodies.

STRESS

Hormonal pressures, parental expectations, peer pressure and overloaded schedules create stress for teenagers. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers. Home massage can be invaluable for teenagers to reduce stress & anxiety, lift depression and relax their mind, body and spirit.

CONNECTING WITH YOUR TEEN

Adolescents crave intimacy but often look for it in the wrong places. If they experience touch in the home through the natural connection of massage, they are not as likely to seek dangerous and unhealthy avenues for emotional and physical contact.

Class Time Change for 3-6 year olds!

Beginning Tuesday, October 16, 2012 the Tues/Thur 3-6 year old class @ Bliss Yoga Shala (1615 Thacker Avenue, Jacksonville, FL) will move from 11-12 to 3:00pm-3:55pm!  Hoping this change will accommodate ½ day preschoolers and more home school children!  Also, the 7-12 year old class will now begin at 4:05pm, instead of 4.  Spread the word J